Life’s many twists and turns

This Too Shall Pass

If I can endure for this minute
Whatever is happening to me,
No matter how heavy my heart is
Or how dark the moment may be-

If I can remain calm and quiet
With all the world crashing about me,
Secure in the knowledge God loves me
When everyone else seems to doubt me-

If I can but keep on believing
What I know in my heart to be true,
That darkness will fade with the morning
And that this will pass away, too-

Then nothing in life can defeat me
For as long as this knowledge remains
I can suffer whatever is happening
For I know God will break all of the chains

That are binding me tight in the darkness
And trying to fill me with fear-
For there is no night without dawning
And I know that my morning is near.

…Helen Steiner Rice

I do enjoy poetry I always have and ever so often I remember the ones which mean a lot to me.
I’m at a crossroad in my life and while I’m fighting personal battles I’m experiencing some really good things in my life. I guess that’s the balance needed to cope in difficult times.
I’m being forced to learn patience (not easy), show mercy (less easy) and to have faith that things will eventually work out (almost impossible).

So as I go through a somewhat difficult phase in my life I’m having to remind myself that this shall pass too! I’ve got to believe it.

The butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker!

So after much thought maybe way too much I eventually decided to buy a meat cleaver. I spent a very long time deciding if it would be safe in my kitchen. I kept telling myself how much I really needed it and the truth is I really did need it. After convincing myself that I’m only as good as my tools I took the plunge and bought it. After all if I see myself as chef material the least I can do is get a decent cleaver not just pretty aprons.

The cleaver is now a member of the cutlery staff but I have to admit it gets special treatment. No laying about in the kitchen oh no this piece of fierceness has a special place it goes to when not being used. At the moment I’m in a complicated relationship with the cleaver because while it’s really good at what it does I am afraid of its power. I fear that my cleaver has an appetite for fingers…my fingers. Nothing untoward has happened but I’m almost paralysed with fear when it’s in my hand. I find myself whispering that I can’t be too careful with this beast.

Like all new relationships I guess it will take some time to get to know each other. Learning our strengths and weaknesses to bring out the best in each of us. I now look forward to the day when our relationship will not be based on fear. I just hope my cleaver knows it cannot lord its power over me forever. Cheers to teamwork!

The Parent Trap

Though my girls are still really young I’m coming to the realisation that there is a fine line between letting them experience the world around them and keeping them safe. With my seemingly insatiable appetite for breaking news I now find myself going into mother hen overdrive. All the tragedy and heartbreak that I read has me constantly pulling myself back over the fence of paranoia and I realise that my duty is to look out for my girls not make them prisoners.

This past week I spoke to a friend with teenage kids and since we grew up in the same era we discussed our teen years and how different the world seemed to be then. We came to the conclusion that we’d rather be safe than sorry when it comes to raising our children. Unfortunately as a child danger is not something that’s high on the list of priorities. Having fun is the way to go and danger has no place in the fun arena.

As a parent I’m constantly reminding myself that I cannot and will not live in fear. The reality of life is that danger does exist and to pretend otherwise is quite foolish. I have every intention of giving my girls the best childhood possible and I’ve no doubt that they often feel that I’m there to spoil their fun especially when we’re out and about and I sound like a referee shouting instructions and giving warnings.

I’m generally a very laid back person a bit too laid back for some. I cannot judge somebody else’s parenting style only give my point of view when asked. At the end of the day I just have to believe that we all want the same things for our children…love and security!

Entertaining angels unaware

Whilst having a conversation with a friend she remarked how the unexpected generosity of a relative stranger had a profound affect on her. Her only regret was that she had not really taken the time to get to know the individual. I guess we can blame that on being preoccupied with the people who we’ve built a rapport with. Truth is it’s hard to imagine that people need assistance when we’re comfortable.

It got me thinking of the opportunities we are often afforded to be an angel to somebody in need. There are many times where a little helping hand could make a world of difference if we’d just take the time out to care not just to people who’ll reward us for our kindness but also the randoms we encounter along the way. After our conversation I’ve decided not to just wait for opportunities to show kindness but to also look for them.

People across the world no matter what the state of their lives could do with an act of kindness. Will you be an angel to somebody in need?

Another mommy milestone!

Last night my daughter Charis had her very first sleepover. I must admit I thought long and hard about sending her to a friend albeit for just a night. She was so excited about getting away from us for a night and I was secretly proud of her boldness.

This morning we woke up to a rather quiet house and it was obvious who creates the buzz around here. She was positively missed. The conversation didn’t move much further than the questions about her return. Finally, she rocked up after lunch and all was as it should be. The bickering and complaints were as steady as rain you’d think they’d missed each other enough to give the rivalry a rest. Not a chance!

As for me I’m glad to have my three girls under one roof and I hope it will be some time before we reach another milestone. The more I travel on this journey of parenthood the more I realise it’s no easy feat. It’s not easy but it is rewarding and the cuddles are the best payment.

The beast is out!

Yesterday I had what seemed like the umpteenth visit to the dentist in the smallest time scale. After much back and forth I’d come to a decision with the dentist to remove a tooth. Once the date had been decided I began feeling very nervous and began to expect the worst. This was highly unusual because I have no fear or anxiety when it comes to dental visits. Admittedly my trust in dentists came much later in life. These days a visit to the dentist is as casual as popping out for a coffee.

While lying in the chair staring at the light with my hands clasped I prayed under my breath that the extraction would be a walk in the park and it was. I let out a sigh of relief when the dentist announced “the beast is out”. For all the problems that molar gave me I think his description was spot on.

The highlight of my appointment was informing the dentist I wanted my extracted tooth. The shock and surprise was funny. Truth is I really wanted to take my chance with the tooth fairy. I quickly realised that I may not get my weight in enamel so I’ve decided to treat myself for my bravery.

In the meantime the relief is amazing. I hope now that I’ll have the regulated six month break before I have to waltz back in.

I’ve been Harley’d

I think I’ve calmed down sufficiently to share my absolute joy of been given a ride on a beautiful Harley Davidson. I’ve had some pretty amazing moments in my life and after mulling over my over the top celebrations I’ve come to the conclusion that it was the surprise that got me so terribly excited. When I left home on Saturday morning to do a food collection from the local bikers club for the central Foodbank it did not cross my mind that I may get the ride of my life!

As a student nurse I developed this absolute fascination with motorbikes and my father was not too keen on me wanting to own one. Up until Saturday my only experience with motorbikes was a late night ride in Cape Town many moons ago with a dear friend.
I’m now convinced that all that love and appreciation of all things fast and shiny came back to me in a flood of euphoria when I heard the rumble which announced the impending arrival of those bikers. The moment I laid eyes on their wheels of steel I was in Harley Heaven.

We all have dreams and I figure if they’re attainable they’re just to do activities. One of my dreams came true and I have many more which seem out of reach at the moment but I’m certain now it’s not impossible. It can happen at any time we just need to be prepared!

Dear Diary

My 7yr old daughter Charis ( though she constantly reminds me she’ll be 8 in about six weeks!). I then remind her that she’ll never be this young and free from responsibility again. With each passing year her responsibility will grow and there’ll be less opportunity to say she didn’t know. She is very wise for her years and we’re constantly butting heads over attitudes and utterances. She has now requested a diary and a promise from me not to snoop. Of course I’ll be snooping that’s what mothers do!

After a discussion about keeping secrets and the difference between good and bad secrets I may just leave her to it. I ask her if there’s anything she needs to know from me. Her response is a nothing really one but then slyly slides in a veiled request for details of my diary. Granted I was almost double her age when I kept one myself I’m left with no choice but to reinvent my diary entries. Truth is I was a sulky teen and no doubt there were numerous entries about annoying teachers, strict parents, selfish friends and perhaps a sighting of an interesting boy specimen to brighten an otherwise sour life.

She’s really excited to get started and I’m worried what I may find. Though I’m hoping the daily record keeping will improve her already creative writing skills. I’m really trying to see the positive side. I shall try my best not to snoop too much!

Ambassador of justice

I’m always so encouraged by people who find a cause to support and do it with such commitment. I know a few of those people raising awareness about cancer, mental illness, childhood diseases and animal projects. The list is endless.

Recently I spoke to a young lady who lamented about the lack of interest of people when it comes to lending a helping hand. I understand how frustrating it is when you’re passionate about something and you’re met with what seems like disinterest. The truth is there are many paths to take and it can be quite bewildering choosing one but it certainly doesn’t exclude the ability to assist where you can. After all we can all help in some way.

I’m passionate about seeing the end to modern day slavery. While it appears to be impossible I’ve no doubt it can be done. What’s your interest? How can you help those who are in distress? There’s always something we can do and there is always somebody less fortunate. Will you lend a hand of hope?

Home at last

A few days ago the world woke up to the news of 3 women along with a child born during their time in captivity had been rescued in Cleveland, Ohio after being held captive for about a decade. I can’t even begin to imagine what freedom feels like after being subjected to all kinds of cruel abuses. The joy, relief and then the fear of repeating their experiences to authorities, families and counsellors. Families too are feeling rescued after years of waiting and wondering about the fate of their daughters. Dead or alive there could surely be no peace with no closure. The journey back to a regular life will be a difficult one but with the right kind of support I’ve no doubt they will all adjust and live fulfilling lives.

This month also marked the 6th anniversary of the disappearance of Madeleine McCann while on holiday in Portugal aged just three and no doubt it’s not just her parents who’s hope is renewed. If it can happen for Amanda Berry, Gina DeJesus and Michele Knight surely it’s not impossible for all the missing to be found. My heart breaks a little every time I think of these victims and their families. Admittedly my paranoia also grows with each of these stories and then I remind myself that I cannot live in fear. I will not.

Bianca Couch ( a young South African missing since December 2011 ) when you eventually come home where you belong just know that the light of hope did not flicker or die. Your family and friends have just found a different kind of normal way to live. Hope still springs eternal!