I’ve been reading many touching and true quotes about forgiveness and it’s quite frightening to think that some people can lead unhappy lives because they insist on carrying hurt and disappointment.
The worst part is watching people self destruct while the person with whom they have a grievance goes on with their life.
I guess forgiving is not a natural response when you’ve been wronged more often than not revenge seems the only thing that will bring you happiness. I’m not saying people shouldn’t be held accountable for their actions which hurt and offend but I’ve recently realised that people are often ignorant about the effect their sharp words and thoughtless actions have on people and for that reason those intense feelings of hurt and rage should just be put to rest. Trying to get an ignorant person to see the error of their ways is like trying to catch a cloud.
I’ve been hurt by many people in my life and I’m certain that I’ve hurt many too. Forgiveness can be a very complex issue and requires sincerity on the part of both parties. If you’ve been hurt and the person is totally clueless I just don’t see the point of trying to drag an apology out of them for any wrong done. When I’m approached by an individual who informs me that I’ve hurt them in some way whether I recall the incident or not I apologise sincerely because I have no desire to be somebody else’s prisoner nor to make them mine.
I have a personal philosophy it may sound naive but I’ve made up my mind to just let things go. Life has a way of teaching us lessons we only seem to learn when the shoe is on the other foot and all you can hope is that it happens sooner than later so forgive and try to forget!
A few days ago I bumped into an acquaintance and we had the briefest of chats but as I walked away I couldn’t help thinking if people think it’s okay to just utter every thought that crosses their mind. I’ll be the first to admit that I sometimes walk away from conversations wishing that I’d not said so much. I can’t help but feel we now live in an era where people truly believe that their poorly thought out opinions actually matter.
Recently I’ve been trying the count to ten theory which shouldn’t just be used in moments of anger. A while back I read that you only get one chance to have a first reaction not just a first impression and that is quite true. So, I’ve been spending quite a few moments thinking before responding in such a way that I can live with it.
I guess the point I’m trying to make is the same way we expect people to be gracious towards us they expect the same. Thoughtless utterances can hurt people deeply and nobody enjoys being hurt.
I like to imagine that my mouth is a tree and my words are fruit. Bottom line is nobody likes bad fruit!
This is easier said than done. I’m not sure if I should blame the attitude of self entitlement on human nature. I’m constantly finding myself in situations where I become aware that I’ve forgotten to be thankful for all that I have. There is so much I don’t have that I would like but they fade in comparison to the important things I have in my life already.
Is an attitude of gratitude a lifestyle? If that is the case I need a serious attitude adjustment. As I’ve gone through this week I’ve met people facing various problems and I looked inside myself and came up pretty short each time. So I guess I’ve been given a chance once again to be thankful…always!
Let me start by saying the rant which is about to follow does not apply to all secretaries! Names and places have been changed to protect the guilty few.
If you’ve ever needed a service to be provided and you’ve been met with a kind of passive aggressive attitude on the other end of the phone then you know the utter frustration when you pound against what seems like a brick wall. I realise it’s not always possible to get an appointment at your preferred time. However, I think it would be a valuable skill if secretaries or receptionists would show some kind of understanding and compassion.
All I want is a positive experience from the outset and it starts with that phone call.
Don’t you just love those conversations that start with openers like “I don’t want to brag or anything” followed by the biggest brag session! The opener we all love to hate “I’m not saying I know everything but I do have knowledge of most things.” Where do you take the conversation to from there?
I recently found myself in a conversation with an acquaintance as we sometimes do and from the outset I had no doubt that she had turned me into a student in her lessons of life. I was bombarded with facts and lots of opinion. While I was preparing my answer and deciding in my little head whether I should engage with her. I quickly realised she was trying to prove how much she actually knew in comparison to me. Well what she thought she knew anyway. It was in those seconds I decided to let her live out her dream of sharing her superior life experience with every living creature she meets.
This was my very intellectual response because when somebody has chosen to be your adviser the least you can do is engage them. In that moment I looked at her and thought “you are not going to spin me in your web.” I started nodding, smiling and giving the occasional ‘mmm’ which actually meant you’re so clever why don’t you just go on speaking to yourself while I compile a shopping list in my head.
As someone who tends to speak far too much I am always aware of the person I’m having the conversation with and unless they ask for advice I don’t give any. If they do ask and I’m clueless I say so. Sometimes all that’s required of you is to listen to the person and offer heartfelt support.
A conversation is a two way game and it just shows you care for the person you’re engaging with when you allow them to express themselves.
Will you listen today?
I remember the absolute excitement when I joined the biggest online community that connected you with friends around the globe. The joy of finding long-lost friends just kept me coming back for more. They find you or you find them and it takes about a day to catch up with all you’ve missed out on. After being totally thrilled to make contact you come to the stark realisation that you now have very little in common with your contacts. There are cases of course where you ignite old flames of friendship and it progresses steadily.
It’s crazy to think that thirty years ago visiting neighbours unannounced, calls to landlines and getting the daily newspaper was the order of the day. These days most conversations seem to take place online and via instant messaging services. In my opinion tone and intent are often lost in translation leading to many misunderstandings. Nothing beats a good old-fashioned person to person conversation. There is no substitute for human contact-yet!