My gift of grace
Seven years ago I was blessed with a beautiful baby girl. I went from being a daughter, sister and wife to being a mother. My life has changed dramatically since that day.
While there were many challenges in those early days the nurturer in me became common place. Somedays seemed like one rollercoaster ride after another. The end result was always the same extreme gratitude for the precious gift entrusted to me even after some episodes of helplessness and utter despair. I quickly learned the importance of seeking help and was pleased to find that people were willing to help.
While I know these are very early days and there will be many challenges ahead. I look forward to exciting times with my precious princess Charis!
Independence day!
After a week which went from one responsibility to the other I decided to take a well deserved break today. My ideal loafing day always includes staying in pyjamas for as long as possible and having way too many coffee breaks from just being alive and breathing.
I love being a wife and mother but having children who are as young as mine it borders on being criminal if I tell them to see to themselves. I can just picture the scene iced lollies and fizzy pop for breakfast. So for this reason alone I am forced to crawl out of my warm lazy cocoon and provide nourishment for my offspring.
In reality my days of total independence are a long way off but I’m grateful for a laid back morning where there are no time constraints or rigid schedules. Who can resist a good old lie around every now and again?
Surfs up
I love going to the beach and having a good swim. I’m not into picnics at the beach the sand is enough to drive me mental. Just writing about it makes me miss South Africa.
I’ve been unusually tired the past few days and it’s not from a lack of sleep. As I was lying on my bed this afternoon the feeling I had was much like you do after a trip to the beach. Chasing after big waves and being toppled by unexpected ones which leave you confused about which way the shore lies. I’ve had lots of those experiences and what follows after a wave chasing and throwing session is usually the worst fatigue. Perhaps it’s just me who is treated so poorly by the waves but I honestly feel washed up at the moment. No amount of coffee can bring me back from the brink of possible collapse.
I can’t help but feel I’m in a tidal experience. I can’t wait for high tide and just being energised enough to ride the crest of life without feeling like I’m falling off the edge. So grateful that nothing lasts forever. Bring on the next cycle!
The sweetest thing
It has become very obvious to me that there is something fundamentally wrong with me when the highlight of my day is lying on the couch and being proud of doing absolutely nothing. As I lay here my only fear is that I may just regret not using this alone time a little more productively. My excuse is that I’m recharging and we all know how important that is.
I’ve just cast an eye at the clock and it’s lunchtime. Seeing as my girls are not here I don’t have the pressure to eat something nutritional. I guess it’s going to be cake and ice-cream for me. Seems so hypocritical but that’s the joy of being the mom.
Ciao for now while I enjoy the rest of my very lazy, laid back and irresponsible parent day!
The wonder years
I’m so glad to be completely out of that phase in my life. Far too much time spent wondering if you’re good enough and how your life may eventually turn out. I’ve misplaced my twenty year plan but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t half as good as my life is now. Funny how a sense of insecurity gives people some kind of power over your life. The truth is if you have no direction your friends depending on who they are may lead you astray or towards your destiny.
I’ve had both types in my lifetime and actually to a certain extent we have the good and bad in our lives constantly. The difference now is that I can ignore the nonsense and take only what adds value to my life. I’m so glad that people don’t define me and I won’t allow them to. The sooner you learn that not everybody is a fan of yours the sooner you can get on with your life.
Like most things in life not everything is in black and white. I have many shortfalls and the one I’m least proud of is judging people too soon and feeling awful when I realise that I’ve made a poor call. My mother used to say that people are not ice-cream you can’t just taste them and decide you don’t like the flavour. It takes hard work to get past the flavours we don’t like to get the taste of the ones we do.
I’ve met many people in my lifetime. I’m grateful for them all because there’s always something to be learnt from friendship. Some I expected to last a lifetime and just lasted a season others ended in betrayal, heartbreak and disappointment followed by far too many sleepless nights wondering where it all went wrong.
These days all I strive for is to be less judgemental and to try to see the best in everyone I meet. I don’t always achieve my goal but it doesn’t stop me from trying again. There’s only one of me ( no doubt some people are glad about that) and I’m trying to be the best me there is!
Fads and fancies
This evening my two older daughters decided that they no longer eat cottage pie (mince and mash). They haven’t given me a solid reason apart from the childish response “we just don’t like it anymore” This presents a bit of a problem for me because I’ve adopted a four-day eating plan and the weekend signals the beginning of an eating out frenzy!
I thought back to my childhood and unless you were allergic to a particular type of food you basically ate whatever you were given. As an adult I now have a simple rule unless I’ve tried it once I don’t just refuse. However, there are food memories forever etched in my memory like mealie rice (much like risotto), corned beef and pork pies I have no desire to eat any of them ever again.
So I’ve decided to cut my girls some slack and perhaps they’ll rekindle their taste for one of my signature dishes! Perhaps now is a good time to introduce them to another of my favourite childhood classics macaroni and cheese. All I can do is try and hope for the best!
Far from the madding crowd
Having three young children means that I should have some kind of routine but sadly this is not the case. When I became a mother I decided that I would raise my children my own way. Being traditional has never been my way! This was relatively easy while I was the only one responsible for raising and teaching them many different things about life and my husband doing his share which always seems to be all things fun. The time has now come when two of my daughters are in school and are exposed to many different ideas both positive and negative. It is of course a very scary time for me as apparent. I’ve now realised that I can no longer control what they are exposed to.
The weekend is upon us again and it’s my chance to give my girls a bit of the freedom they lose every time they go to school. The weekend in my opinion is a time for a serious lack of structure, time to eat all the food that is banned from their packed lunches and wearing mismatched clothes. It is a world far from the school gate, reading mat, maths board and assembly hall. It may only be two days but it certainly makes a difference to their little lives and mine.
Operation preparation
So it’s Sunday night and I’m getting ready for bed. When I wake up it will most definitely be Monday. It might seem quite obvious to most but when I wake up I’ll be in a race to sort out a whole lot of stuff I would’ve done the night before.
I have no idea why I find planning for the next day so foreign. I’ll have to blame it on being a bit too relaxed up until the point where I realise I didn’t hear the alarm. Then all hell breaks loose and I start wishing I had done just a little bit.
In many countries around the world there are moms and even dads sorting out school uniforms, book bags, PE kits and many other things needed for the start of a new week. Why can’t I just follow their example? I enjoy the challenge of taking on the clock and winning. I must admit though that the clock always seems to have the upper hand. Damn that snooze button!
East meets West
Well it finally happened~I actually completed reading a book. It has been some time but the deed has been done. I just feel disappointed that it wasn’t really worth the read. It promised so much and just failed to deliver!
The promise was that the book would transform your perspective of parenting forever. Personally I think it was a bit of an exaggeration but of course that is just my humble opinion. What it did prove is that every child is unique and what is good for the goose is not always suitable for the gander.
A Chinese American mom chronicles the journey of her daughters and sets out to prove how Asian parenting skills are superior to their Western counterparts. So for more than half of the book she waffles on about what a perfect mom she is with outstanding kids. Just when I couldn’t tolerate her trumpet blowing antics any longer the tone of the book changed.
One of the daughters turned rogue and decided she no longer wanted to be a pawn in her mothers game of chess. The only conclusion I came to after reading the book was the fact that the mom was a controlling perfectionist. The job of a mom is hard enough without people claiming to know they have all the answers.
Check it out if you dare! Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua
Joys of motherhood
The joys of motherhood! In my opinion this phrase is often used inappropriately. People usually say it when you express a difficulty which you have experienced!
Today I had to deal with yet another “joy of motherhood”. This particular one is called the terrible two’s. This is my third experience with a two-year old but I cannot recall my older girls being this feisty and defiant.
It was a long time coming…my daughter has a high-pitched scream which is most unusual for her age. When she started this trick of hers some time ago I just chose to ignore her. Sadly it just got worse.
I don’t think any mother likes to find herself in a position where you feel like you can’t control your child. I was that mother today and needed the help of a friend to defuse the situation. Needless to say I was terribly embarrassed by my daughters behaviour. She eventually fell asleep but I promise you when she did wake she found a mother who was silent and staring at her with the eyes of a flaming dragon.
Children can be so innocent and she was as sweet as cherry pie. At that moment I wished that I could be like a child and wake up with no recollection of trouble I’d left behind.
I have no idea how much longer she plans to use this terrible weapon. I do know for a fact that I won’t tolerate it much longer. I’m hoping today was the final blast of those precious vocal chords. We shall wait and see.
Oh the joys of motherhood!
The nanny named Fran
Well not really, her name is Jo Frost aka Supernanny. I have long been fascinated with this rather popular program. The situation must really be at breaking point to call in an absolute stranger to teach you how to discipline your kids and enforce parental boundaries.
While at my local playgroup we were discussing the role of the supernanny because she ain’t a regular nanny…she is super. The fact that she isn’t a mother is quite intriguing and probably aids her in her no-nonsense approach. I guess it’s like going to an optometrist who has 20/20 vision!
After watching quite a few of these interventions I quickly came to the conclusion that the missing ingredient is often common sense. You don’t need to be a genius to figure out that if you have a cupboard full of treats and a child who ransacks those treats daily that you should refrain from bringing them home if you don’t know how to say no. Of course the nanny points out the obvious and has a 100% success rate every single time.
Being a parent is no easy task and that is a fact you will find yourself second guessing your ability at one time or another. Perhaps what is really needed are parenting workshops where we as parents can come together and discuss our daily challenges like eating habits, sleeping patterns and dealing with unacceptable behaviour.
So while the nanny is entertaining to watch the situations which she deals with are not uncommon to many of us raising young children.
Happy Parenting.
Sugar and spice
Being the mother of three very young girls it’s so amazing to see their different personalities. My six year old is a sulker, the four year old is a cry baby and my two year old is an absolute screamer.
The challenge for me is to find a way to deal with each of them in a way that fits their fiery personalities.
There are many things they have in common like their love of crafts, swimming and all things adventurous.
However my two youngest girls love to play dress up. While the older would rather play computer games. Shopping is a real breeze for her and she is always very appreciative unlike the other two who have to walk away with Barbie, Hello Kitty or Dora the explorer.
They are all an absolute joy and although it’s something I soon forget when they are all screaming at each other and demanding their own way.
Their good manners, contagious giggling and warm hugs soon remind me why I think they’re made of sugar and spice and all things nice!
Bright young things
I’m sure it’s a very proud moment for any parent when they realise that they have a gifted child. They will do everything in their power to get their child involved with the right people. Sadly these gifts often come at a cost. They don’t just cost time and money but for many a kid it costs their childhood.
As a mother of three young children I often wonder what areas my girls will excel in. Of course it is quite possible to mould them into the shape that best suits you. I’d like to think that when the time comes I’ll support them in any way I possibly can.
I often observe parents and judge them for pushing their kids too hard. The question I guess would be where to draw the line between children who are naturally gifted and those who need a nudge to bring out the best in them.
So to the dad who shouts the gym down urging his nine year-old to do a medley of strokes instead of messing around in the pool. To the mom who refuses to let her child go out to enjoy a beautiful summer day and instead practice an instrument. I hope it’s their dream you are nurturing and not reliving your own lost dream.
Every child is special in their own way…I guess some are just more special and that is something we all have to live with!
A day in the life of…
Being able to be a stay at home mom is not something I take very lightly. I know it won’t be forever so I will cherish every moment that I have with my young daughters.
Many of my working friends say they would love the opportunity to stay at home and unfortunately it is just not possible.
The social aspect is what I miss the most about going out to work. Just adult conversation and a certain kind of freedom made the day worthwhile.
Presently my life consists mainly of routine activities for my daughters of which brushing their teeth is the activity I dislike most.
I love my girls and wouldn’t change my life as it is now. On the other hand it is quite shocking how dramatically my life has changed since getting married and having babies. I guess a day in the life of a mother is exactly that, a general evolving from being self-centred to putting my precious offspring ahead of me.
A mothers love.
School is out
Having been raised and educated in South Africa it really is still quite strange that my girls have come to the end of an academic year in July and not December. Everything about it just seems wrong at the moment.
My four year old finishes at nursery in a matter of days then it’s off to primary school. I guess I’ll be spending my holiday searching for a uniform for a little person who in my opinion shouldn’t even be wearing one! She is so excited to be joining her older sister.
This is the first year that I’ve had my girls in the british education system and they have both done extremely well. I have no fears for the coming year as I have no doubt that they will continue to do well.
In the meantime I look forward to a long summer which is hopefully filled with lots of warm sunshine.
Proud parent
Today I met with my three-year old’s teacher to get some feedback on her progress in nursery before she heads on over to primary school in September.
It was a glowing report which left me teary eyed and very proud. She had excelled in every area and her teacher sang her praises the entire time.
After the dust had settled I started thinking about the children who didn’t do as well. I never want to appear as being proud but I am. My princess works very hard and she deserves the praise.
So tonight as I lay my head on my pillow I will spare a thought for all the children who work really hard but don’t often get the expected results. I’ll also spare a thought for parents who make every effort to encourage their children to do the best they can.
I guess at the end of the day all parents are proud of their children’s achievements and that’s all that really matters to each precious child!
If I could save time in a bottle
Today my firstborn turned six years old. Where did the time go? I can honestly remember the day she was born as though it was just this morning. While I’m sad to see her grow so fast I don’t think I want to go back to those early days of feeling like a prisoner to all things new.
Having worked in a nursery and looked after countless newborn babies I was not prepared in any way for the challenge of motherhood. Our lives had changed forever! There were so many unknowns for us as new parents. Looking back now it seemed rather easy but at the time it was a mountain too high.
My princess is now at school and doing extremely well. I see her growing and advancing in so many wonderful ways. I guess the journey of her growing up will be etched in my memory. Time is marching on!
Another brick in the wall
My soon to be four-year old daughter attended induction day at a local school today. Can’t believe she will be going to “big school” in September.
I totally missed the process with my older daughter seeing as she started school a month after her peers.
It was a really scary experience trying to find a school for her. I had no idea how the education system worked here in England but figured it couldn’t be very difficult. I was very wrong!
After much pavement pounding and severe feelings of despair. I was finally pointed in the right direction. That direction was the local council. Talk about red tape.
I had a crash course in types of schools available and various criteria
which left me feeling even more despondent. Eventually it all worked out and she was placed in a church of England school and I am very happy with her placement!
So this time around I’m very relaxed having been through the system and feeling rather experienced. I am now looking forward to my baby starting school on time!
Hush little baby
Today my husband and I visited a friend who had her first baby a month ago. He is as gorgeous as ever. So naturally the conversation moved to his sleeping patterns. I must admit that I wasn’t surprised at all when she told me how well he sleeps through the night. He was a model citizen the whole time we visited.
Being a mother of three I have to say none of my girls arrived with a sleep button. In fact my firstborn only slept through for the first time when she was six months. She traumatized my husband and I with her colic and crying. By the time our second baby came along we treated her for colic just in case! Baby number three was the best by far however she is now well and truly into the terrible twos stage and is making up for lost time.
So back to sleeping patterns…it seems that the majority of moms who I speak to seem to have babies who rise to the occasion of nap time. Of course they proudly inform you how from day one their newborns slept in their own beds. Well my girls still creep into my bed and more often than not I let them.
Is it possible that some of us just end up with the hard to handle babies while everyone else seems to have model newborns? Well we said our goodbyes to mom and baby but my hubby and I walked away feeling very cheated of valuable sleep!
Super Dads
Today I took my two-year old to the local library for our weekly shake, rattle and rhyme time. The librarians entertain us with various songs and rhymes for half an hour.
The real fun starts after this when you get to hang out with your child and socialize with the other parents. Of course the conversations always start the same, how old is your child and how many other kids do you have?
Today was particularly interesting with dads discussing teething and sleeping patterns! I couldn’t help but smile. It always makes me smile when I see dads taking responsibility. I know anything my girls do with their dad no matter how simple it is always seems to be more fun.
So while moms are super it seems dads will always have the edge and that is also okay in my book!
Free time
Today was my scheduled day off. It started off well with my two year-old waving goodbye. If I leave her crying my time off is spent wondering if she is okay. So first stop was the gym where I just enjoyed a good old swim without being lifeguard on duty which happens when I take the girls along. Now the one thing that does spoil my time at the gym is the change room. Why do people treat it like their private space? Surely there must be public space etiquette. It would be fantastic if people actually used it. So after a trip to the supermarket to get essential and not so essential stuff( and of course gawking in other people’s trolleys) I headed home for some peace and quiet. As much as I love me time I absolutely love the part when I’m reunited with my girls. My two year-old goes on and on about how much she missed me and loves me. Now that is a joy!
Love letters straight from the heart
Since learning how to read and write my five year-old absolutely loves writing letters. She enjoys writing rhyming stuff. A bit of a poet I say!
Now she reminds me of myself I absolutely love poetry and romantic sonnets are my favourite. I remember as a young child absolutely loving the Helen Steiner Rice greeting cards.
Since meeting my husband although he loves reading he is not a fan of greeting cards. So I’ve resorted to getting him the little blank cards but I think it’s time he got on board. I mean doesn’t everybody like reading a lovey- dovey greeting card. I sure do!
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