A special kind of mum
I think it’s official and I may never have to repeat this truth again. I am a documentary junkie not just any documentary but beautiful moving ones which make me look at my life differently and just be grateful for all that I have.
So once again I was moved by the account of two very different moms. One with a rare form of dwarfism and the other with no use of her legs and limited use of her arms. As I watched them doing the most basic chores for their children I realised that no matter what ability or disability we have we’re all just moms trying to do our best.
I think it would be naive to say that they’re not different because they are different they’re just not less. Those differences have drawn criticism and ridicule from various people both in their communities and even their loved ones. Our role as citizens of the world is to treat each other with respect and hopefully be treated the same.
The goal (hopefully!) of all moms is the same and that’s to raise well adapted children by doing the best we can. I watched as one of the moms struggled to cope not because of her disability but because of her unrealistic expectations and just wanting to get things right constantly. I suspect this wouldn’t have been the case if we didn’t live in a society where moms create this false ideal of how perfectly adapted their children are.
Whatever difficulty you’re facing today no matter how big or small share it with a realistic mom who understands that things are not always perfect. Then when you’re sailing smoothly try to remember how it felt when you were going through a struggle and show the same understanding to a mom facing a difficulty.
‘He wanted to be a hero’
Mick Philpott and his wife Mairead have been found guilty of manslaughter following the death of their six children after they started a house fire and the children were overcome by smoke while they slept. I must admit I’m still trying to get my head around such an evil act. It seems it was done as a ploy to blame an ex lover who had dared to walk away with her five children from a very unnatural family set up which saw him sharing the house with his wife and his lover along with their eleven children. He planned to rescue the children and be hailed a hero then be granted custody of the other five. Sadly, that is not what happened.
I’ve long grappled with this very spiteful idea of parents who claim to love their children and then put them in harms way in an attempt to teach somebody a lesson. It is impossible to be a good parent and be selfish. Parenthood requires selflessness. As reports were made of each court appearance it became quite apparent that these parents thought only of themselves. That attitude was a recipe for disaster.
As they await sentencing along with their accomplice Paul Mosley I can’t help but feel absolute pity for these six children who lost their lives in a fatal plot which went totally wrong. Phil has been portrayed as a violent, selfish, lazy, layabout who had as many children as possible to live a comfortable life on benefits. At this point in time and following the tragic loss of innocent lives all I’d like to see is the longest prison sentence to ensure these lives were not cut short in vain.
Rest in peace Duwayne, Jade, John, Jessie, Jayden and Jack
So you’ve done nothing today?
This was the response from my five year old after I replied that I hadn’t gone anywhere today after the school run. Not even to the shops mom? Surely she should realise that home is where all of my work resides. On second thought there are many people who I meet and when I explain that I’m a stay at home mother often ask what I do all day. Perhaps visions of me lying on the couch in my pyjamas watching telly and munching on some unhealthy snacks.
Depending on the mood I’m in I may give them the pampered wife response. I guess the question I’d like to ask in return is ‘what would you do on a day at home?’ well that’s exactly what I do. Vacuuming or hoovering as its affectionately called in this part of the world. Dishes, laundry and of course picking up endless toys.
I’ve been a stay at home mom for over five years and I’ve mastered the art of owning my time. I really have enjoyed the challenge of raising my babies and the experience has taught me to dig deep when days got tough. I can’t help but feel that this phase of my life is coming to an end and I’m preparing myself mentally. My girls have been an amazing source of strength and even companionship during those early days when we arrived in the UK. We’ve come a long way since then and I’m excited for the future.
Mothering Sunday
As this day draws to an end I’m so grateful for the opportunity to be raising three wonderful children. Though I sometimes complain about my lack of personal space I would never trade motherhood it teaches me so many new things daily. I love that my girls keep me sharp with their enquiring minds. My only request today was for the girls to give my lap a rest. It may not sound like much but honestly the minute I sit down my children think I’m a mobile bench. I’m pleased to say they really did try!
Many mothers would’ve experienced a range of emotions on this day set aside for honouring them in the United Kingdom. Love, joy, sadness, despair, guilt and loneliness are just a few. It breaks my heart to think that there are mothers out there who have offspring who don’t care about their welfare and of course mothers who fail to nurture their children. This world can be so cruel.
Tomorrow the daily mother grind will kick in if or when things get to breaking point I’ll try to remember how special I felt when I received those handmade cards declaring how beautiful, thoughtful and loving I am. I have a little cheat up my sleeve because when the second Sunday in May rolls around I’ll join my South African friends in celebrating Mother’s Day again. It’s a win win situation.
International Women’s Day
Women the world over were celebrated today. My day went by in the usual kind of way mainly involving seeing to my children. Just when I was thinking that my day was pretty mundane I spared a thought for many women who don’t enjoy the freedom that I enjoy daily.
Many questions were being asked about who we look up to as role models and what the future holds. There are many who were honoured today both past and present for the liberties we enjoy. My gift to all those courageous women is to be the best I can be with what I have and by helping other women reach their potential. It’s been said that women are their own worst enemies and by celebrating each others achievements and assisting through difficult times we become stronger.
Of all the things I have I’m most grateful for my education and honest friends who steer me in the right direction. My dream on this special day is access to education, social freedom and the right to choose a path in life of their choice with no oppression. It seems impossible but it is my dream!
If you know a phenomenal woman let her know that you’re inspired by her.
Say cheese!
After perusing my holiday pictures it has become quite apparent that I need to make an effort to spend a little more time in front of the lens. I’m not particularly photogenic but I suppose in years to come my children will wonder exactly where I was when they were having fun. As a mother it’s become part and parcel of my life to capture the milestones of my girls. I’ve had an epiphany now that I need to capture special moment not just of my girls but with them too.
Here’s to a future of making photographic memories together. They won’t always be perfect but they’ll be our moments and that will make them perfect!
Unbridled hope for the future
I’ve recently watched a documentary of a group of children whose lives have been documented from the age of 7 at seven-year intervals they are now 56 years old. The series was originally intended to show how socio-economic conditions determine a child’s future. They were so wrong! As it turns out good and bad choices determine your future.
It was so amazing to see the enthusiasm and hope of each of those children when interviewed initially but sadly the flame of hope seemed to be fading as the reality of life set in. It became really hard for many to keep their eyes on the prize. Some did achieve their childhood goals and others were forced to redefine what success meant to them. I must admit that I was slightly jealous that my thoughts and ambitions weren’t recorded because I’d love to know what was ideas were cooking in my little brain at a really tender age.
I have no plans to subject my daughters to a documentary series on such a grand scale. However, I do have every intention of letting them know that the sky is the limit and only they have the power to decide their future. The future is super bright for them and I will make every effort to keep their dreams alive!
More to life
So I found myself complaining about the absolute chaos I was surrounded by in my lounge. I realise that getting fed up with the little things in life is often just a human response. I love my children and I want them to learn from playing together. So I have no idea why it annoys me so much when they leave what looks like the remains of a natural disaster.
I’m going to try a different approach from now. Quite simply all we will need is a clear exit in case of an emergency. After all I can’t possibly expect to live in a show house with three young children. Bring on the chaos because I’m sure there is more to life than sorting blocks, packing puzzle pieces and stacking countless books.
Yakety Yak
It’s almost three years now since my family arrived in Birmingham. These days I miss some simple things from back home. The thing I missed the most though and feared I would lose my mind over in those early days was conversation. Those days were very bleak and I would look forward to going to local shops just to have minimal contact with adults. My husband worked away from home so it was quite lonely hanging around with my very young children.
Of course things are very different now and I have amassed a wonderful group of friends who I love meeting with and having wonderful laughs. We are all so very different yet those differences make our friendship really special. I’m so thankful for people who were willing to give a talkative, conversation loving South African a talking chance!
East meets West
Well it finally happened~I actually completed reading a book. It has been some time but the deed has been done. I just feel disappointed that it wasn’t really worth the read. It promised so much and just failed to deliver!
The promise was that the book would transform your perspective of parenting forever. Personally I think it was a bit of an exaggeration but of course that is just my humble opinion. What it did prove is that every child is unique and what is good for the goose is not always suitable for the gander.
A Chinese American mom chronicles the journey of her daughters and sets out to prove how Asian parenting skills are superior to their Western counterparts. So for more than half of the book she waffles on about what a perfect mom she is with outstanding kids. Just when I couldn’t tolerate her trumpet blowing antics any longer the tone of the book changed.
One of the daughters turned rogue and decided she no longer wanted to be a pawn in her mothers game of chess. The only conclusion I came to after reading the book was the fact that the mom was a controlling perfectionist. The job of a mom is hard enough without people claiming to know they have all the answers.
Check it out if you dare! Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua
Joys of motherhood
The joys of motherhood! In my opinion this phrase is often used inappropriately. People usually say it when you express a difficulty which you have experienced!
Today I had to deal with yet another “joy of motherhood”. This particular one is called the terrible two’s. This is my third experience with a two-year old but I cannot recall my older girls being this feisty and defiant.
It was a long time coming…my daughter has a high-pitched scream which is most unusual for her age. When she started this trick of hers some time ago I just chose to ignore her. Sadly it just got worse.
I don’t think any mother likes to find herself in a position where you feel like you can’t control your child. I was that mother today and needed the help of a friend to defuse the situation. Needless to say I was terribly embarrassed by my daughters behaviour. She eventually fell asleep but I promise you when she did wake she found a mother who was silent and staring at her with the eyes of a flaming dragon.
Children can be so innocent and she was as sweet as cherry pie. At that moment I wished that I could be like a child and wake up with no recollection of trouble I’d left behind.
I have no idea how much longer she plans to use this terrible weapon. I do know for a fact that I won’t tolerate it much longer. I’m hoping today was the final blast of those precious vocal chords. We shall wait and see.
Oh the joys of motherhood!
Sugar and spice
Being the mother of three very young girls it’s so amazing to see their different personalities. My six year old is a sulker, the four year old is a cry baby and my two year old is an absolute screamer.
The challenge for me is to find a way to deal with each of them in a way that fits their fiery personalities.
There are many things they have in common like their love of crafts, swimming and all things adventurous.
However my two youngest girls love to play dress up. While the older would rather play computer games. Shopping is a real breeze for her and she is always very appreciative unlike the other two who have to walk away with Barbie, Hello Kitty or Dora the explorer.
They are all an absolute joy and although it’s something I soon forget when they are all screaming at each other and demanding their own way.
Their good manners, contagious giggling and warm hugs soon remind me why I think they’re made of sugar and spice and all things nice!
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