Life, Love, and Passports

Nature vs Nurture

I was having a conversation with a lovely lady whom I’ve known for some time. Without any warning she asked if I knew that her daughters were adopted? Even more shocking was the fact that her daughter was standing right there. I must admit that  they all look very alike. I asked her if she got to choose them which in retrospect makes me feel quite foolish! Of course she didn’t. The girls are six and fourteen years old so it came as a surprise that she was so open about it.

Now I’ve never spoken to people who’ve been adopted about their experiences and all the questions that are generally asked. The older of the two joined the conversation and asked some probing questions and I was fascinated by how much the parents had told them. Most of her questions were about the general wiring of her birth mother and just how much of her had been shaped by her adoptive parents.

There was so much love and understanding between them and I couldn’t help but feel this was the kind of open communication that should exist between families who choose to adopt. Of course all families are unique and have to find a way forward which suits them. It makes me quite sad when I read stories of adults who stumble across this information and their stable lives become turbulent with far too many unanswered questions.

I’m certain that there are statistics with regards to nature and nurture. This is what this amazing teenager told me: Biological moms carry babies in their wombs and adoptive moms carry babies in their hearts. That was the sweetest thing I had heard in a while!


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